Today I found out that two teachers from my old school were having an affair. One teacher lost her job, but the other was allowed to keep his due to his high position in the school, if he so wished. He, however, resigned.
I'm quite saddened by what happened; I was taught by both of them during my years at school, and one of the teachers in question served as my motivation and inspiration to become a teacher myself. Both of them are greatly loved in the school, and many students - past and present - are upset about what happened.
But it's scared me a little, too.
As a lesbian, I know that my career is going to be heavily affected by my personal life. I know that, as a future high school teacher, I'm going to have to go to great lengths to keep my orientation, my "lifestyle", private and hidden. I'm currently hiding it from my family, and I've always accepted that my life will be full of white lies and compartmentalisation. It's an unfortunate way to live, but it's what I have to do. I always thought I'd be okay with it, that I could handle it.
But this has scared me, because it's so close to home. The teacher lost her position because they were spotted by parents, and I can't help but think - what if that was me? If I was spotted by the wrong people, I could be stalked, attacked, abused. There are so many things that could happen to me that would be worse than being fired. I'm used to hiding it from my family, but this is a whole new pressure that I'm very afraid of dealing with in the future. One wrong step and my career could end; my home, my partner and my personal safety could be jeopardised.
It hurts, knowing that my career can't be reconciled with my life choices; with who I am as a person. Maybe someday it won't be so bad, but for now I have to continue hiding.
I'm not sure how I feel right now, or what my motivation was for this post. I think I just needed somewhere to vent.
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